Not everybody fears the cat as I do. In fact, many of you weird people have grown to accept cats, even love them, but the bottom line is that if this photo doesn’t scare the living shit out of you then you don’t have a soul. I swear on my mother that if I walked in to a room and saw this pile of cruelty staring back at me I would let out the most horrifying, girlie scream, then pee myself and run crying out in to the street.

That of course would trick the cats into thinking they’d won, but as soon as the police arrived I’d accuse the cats of rape. They’d be taken in to custody for questioning. At the trial a judge would make me show the jury where they touched me by pointing it out on a doll. After some convincing tears from yours truly those cats would be on their way to the slammer for a long long time. You stupid cats, you fell right in to my trap. I win again!