Christmas is a time for happiness, forgiveness, and family. It’s a time when we celebrate the inherent goodness in all of us, and let our petty squabbles fall by the wayside. That, of course, goes for humans. We have souls and we’re capable of genuine emotion. Cats on the other hands are soulless black holes that devour all signs of joy and love around them. Why do you think they’re so light on their feet? It’s because souls are heavy, and without one you’re pretty free to hop around without much weighing you down.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “what about all that forgiveness talk?” What are you, a lawyer? Back the fuck off.