It’s hard to judge Russia. In pretty much every way, life in Russia is harder than it is in America. It’s cold, everybody is pale and un-attractive, their economy is shit, everything looks like it was built in the 60’s, and there’s the burden of hating all Westerners for being pigdogs. That sounds awful. No wonder they’re always wasted on cheap booze.

It just seems to me that if you woke up one day from a vodka induced coma and saw that a fucking cat was peddling cat food by mimicking your lord and savior, you would maybe do something about it. I guess it’s no wonder that cats chose Russia to hone their skills as human deity impersonators. Everyone is too damn busy being drunk, depressed, and cold to care. So, thanks Russia. Because of your indifference cats now know how to impersonate the most powerful human of all time.

I don’t know what makes me more sick, the fact that Russia is basically a cat terrorist training ground, or that Russian cat food I just ate. The sign was convincing! That cat is so charismatic.