October 2009
18 posts
Do not want.
I’ve never understood this costume. Are there people out there who think that cats are sexy, so they thought that a woman dressed as a cat would be sexy? I shudder at the thought of some drunken costume designer 15 years ago sitting alone in his studio a month before Halloween, failed costume ideas strewn about the room at his feet.
Another year of princess and pirate costumes, he thinks...
If I could punch an idea, this would be the one.
WHAT? There are cat shows? Jesus. It makes sense to me that there would be dog shows, because dogs are awesome, but cat shows? It’s like holding an event to celebrate infectious diseases or shit. And I don’t mean “shit” as in “stuff.” I mean that I’m comparing a cat show to an event where the soul purpose is to showcase different types of...
Never gonna happen, cat.
Aside from the fact that cats lack the opposable thumbs necessary to effectively pick up and move chess pieces, they don’t strike me as a species that would really excel at the game. I can’t help but resent them for trying though. I think it’s the sheer audacity that gets me.
This little bastard thinks he can play chess, just like any human. Do you see me lounging in a sun...
Oh boo hoo.
Look, cat. I feel like you’re missing the point of Halloween. It’s supposed to be about having fun, and this pathetic costume combined with that sour look on your face is pretty much the opposite of that. I know the idea of being forced to enjoy yourself is just excruciating, but come on.
Either wear a costume and really go for it, or don’t wear one at all. There’s no...
You suck at Halloween.
Halloween is right around the corner, so I guess I should start bracing myself for a wave of shitty cat costumes. But come on, cat. I feel like you’re not even trying. I’m pretty sure Harry Potter didn’t even wear a wizard hat. The fact that you have to sit on the books to clarify who you are should be evidence enough that this costume is fully retarded.
Also, why are you...
Stop acting like me!
What is it with cats? They imitate how humans have been acting for centuries, then become famous by doing a less advanced version of it. Do you think that I could become famous by taking a picture of myself going poop and putting it on the internet? No way. If anything I’d be put on a sex offenders watch list, and I’m pretty sure I’m way better at pooping in a toilet than this...
Cats are terrible strategists.
Hey look, it’s armor for cats! I guess that’s cool, but let’s be honest here, some metal around your body isn’t going to help you that much. You’re still like 10 pounds. Armor or not, one swift kick to the side and you’ll sail like a football. Now that I think about it, bright gold armor is a terrible move. You’re an offensively reflective 10 pound fur...
Way to go, Russia.
It’s hard to judge Russia. In pretty much every way, life in Russia is harder than it is in America. It’s cold, everybody is pale and un-attractive, their economy is shit, everything looks like it was built in the 60’s, and there’s the burden of hating all Westerners for being pigdogs. That sounds awful. No wonder they’re always wasted on cheap booze. It just seems...
Very clever, cat. Very clever indeed.
War zones are usually a pretty shitty place to hang out, what with all of the bullets and attempted murder going on. There’s lots of things in war zones, like guns, camouflage, bombs, and tanks. You know what there’s not a lot of? Kittens. There’s not a lot of kittens in war zones. That’s because normal animals run in the opposite direction when they hear death coming....
Superman loves cupcakes.
Nice costume, chubby. I find your choice to be a bit ironic. There is absolutely nothing “super” about you, except for maybe the size of your gut. I would almost feel bad for you except for the fact that you clearly did this to yourself. But hey, who knows. I guess anything is possible. Maybe you’re one of those totally unimpressive retarded looking superhero’s that...
Not in my country!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold the phone! I think you’ll find that legally speaking, marriage is defined as being between two HUMANS. So if you’re trying to make a statement about a cats right to marry, just forget about it right now, because I seriously doubt cats can even feel love. You’re just little balls of evil wrapped in fur, and frankly your costumes are a disgrace to the...
This is probably a bad thing.
Either this cat is planning on going to space, or he’s an Evel Knievel impersonator with his head stuffed into a gerbil ball. Either way, I’m a little freaked out. I think it goes without saying that if cats have developed a space program without us knowing, we’re in far worse shape than I had originally anticipated. On the other hand, if cats are daredevil adrenaline junkies...
Lieutenant Fabulous reporting for duty!
By the looks of your military beret and your combat camouflage, you should be in the kitty military, cat. Maybe even an officer. But damn it all there’s that pesky “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” rule, and that electric blue fur collar you’re sporting isn’t going to win you any supporters in the platoon. I’m just going to float the idea that maybe...
Oh no. Gang members!
Okay. These cats are clearly not fucking around. They show all the signs of being your classic gang trio. Obviously the guy in the middle is the fearless leader. On the left you have your garden variety lackey, and on your right you’ve got the cold blooded psycho who looks like Hitler and will cut you up without any hesitation.
Usually, cats scare me because I’m pretty much...
It's an Obamanation!
And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today. ‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA!
Oh fuck you too.
As a breed, cats are pretty smug, but this ginger bastard takes the cake for condescending looks. Oh, I’m sorry grandpa, did I wake you up with my rock and roll music and my skateboarding on the sidewalk? What a dick. Go watch Matlock…or the cat equivalent…Catlock? God I hate myself for that. Fucking ginger cats.
Nice try, cat.
Oh I see what’s going on here. That’s pretty clever, cat. I’ll hand it to you. You’ve clearly caught wind of my site, and you know that I know that you’re up to something evil. You decided it was time to try to throw me off your scent. Dressing up as a pig so that you can go about your devious mischief unhindered might fool some people, cat, but not me. I’m...
My precious...
Whoa now! We joke around about cats being evil on this site a lot, but this little bastard isn’t kidding around. He wants nothing more than to murder this happy little parrot. He wants it with every fiber of his being. I would even be willing to bet money that he hasn’t blinked in days. Look at his eyes. His sanity is slowly slipping away as he obsesses about eating that parrot. And...